19
posted ago by flanders ago by flanders +19 / -0

Some key points about the Deadliest Virus Ever!

  • Covid-19 is named after the amount of time it takes to die once infected. 19 minutes and BAM! DEAD!
  • A single molecule of virus can self replicate along an exponential scale. One becomes 30 becomes 5 billion within minutes!
  • the Media is your friend. They just want you to be safe*. Believe all news stories and ignore anyone who speaks against the Holy Word.
  • Keep your distance from everyone. 90 foot minimum distance
  • Don't touch anything! A fist bump contains enough of the virus to propagate through space/time, meaning that you have already infected people in the past by this time tomorrow.
  • WEAR YOUR MASK! The only time it's not acceptable to wear one is never. Shower, sleep, alone in the basement, no matter when or where, you must be masked!
  • Be arrogant at all times! Give a sneering gaze at non-maskers, and smugly remind them that tHeRe's a pAnDeMiC HaPpEnInG! i gUeSs yOu dOnT CaRe aBoUt tHe eLdErLy!
  • Make a big deal about wearing a mask! Get one with funny slogans or pictures, because this is the new normal!

But most of all, remain scared and paranoid at all times. Hearing someone sneeze a block away is a guaranteed death sentence! Freak out, lose sleep, stay indoors, and never let up!

Remember, obedience brings victory, and victory is life!

*exceptions to the rules include liberal rallies, protests, and rioting.