A panel of medical and science professionals has recommended the use of anal probes as an effective form of prophylaxis against SARS-Cov 19. Although medical-grade anal probes are costly and in short supply, experts have suggested ordinary anal plugs may provide similar protection. Anal plugs, or "buttplugs", are a sex toy that is a staple in the majority of California households, pollsters report. The mechanism that promotes Covid 19 immunity is not well understood at this time, but scientisms are urging authorities to institute anal plug mandates as soon as possible to prevent further loss of lives.

Science is science, so until you get that Harvard diploma you'd better not question it.