That way I can eat a whole bunch of spicy and cheesy gut rotting fast food, take an ungodly massive shit, not even bother to look at the toilet paper and then head on over for my swab. Might need a few backup swabs because I think the first couple dozen will be... Uhhh... Contaminated.
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No one's sticking anything up my ass but me. Fuck it I'll come in with a disposable buttplug if it means they won't be shoving sticks in me.